Simply the Facts or TMI

So I'm one of "those" people that truly believes everything does happen for a reason. I may not like it or accept it at first, but after my smart a** remarks, venting and finally reasoning I can see the good in things most of the time. This happens to be one of those times. I posted the "How We Met" blog earlier today to set the mood for happiness. Because, this is one of those times that I need to trust my instincts and truly believe that "everything does happen for a reason." Today, followed one of the most difficult days of my life.

Remember that record scratching sound...eerrrrr--like everything comes screeching to a halt...that was my life on July 16th when my Prince of a Husband who I so much love and adore said the most painful words that will forever be etched into my mind... "I want a divorce." Even as I write this almost four months later it still brings tears to my eyes and feelings come rushing back. That was THE day my little blip of a world crashed in on me and everything as I knew it ceased to be what I thought it was. My perspective on everything changed and I cried and cried and cried for 9 weeks straight. At some point with some strong encouragement from my best friend (my sis) I came to my senses and went to the Dr....and I got all fixed up with some medications that helped me get to this place I am in now. This is my happy place where I can mention the word divorce and not burst into tears. It's been the most difficult situation I've ever had to manage through, but you know what I AM managing through it and I will be okay.

The saddest part is...there's no punch line...no rest of the story...no cheating...no drama...just a I don't love you anymore, you're mean and I don't feel like you love me. No options...just divorce. I was so shocked. This isn't happening to me...divorce has never been an option, and this is the man I love and fell in love with and brag about all the time. My life seemed a blur and nothing made sense except for my beautiful baby boy.

Oh yes, back to the story...yesterday was my husband and I's first counseling appointment...he agreed to go because I wouldn't give up...well it was basically just the clarifying moment that he was serious...divorce was the only option. My counselor assured me that sometimes people just can't give what they don't have no matter how much we want them to. Okay, I can accept that. She also told us that we haven't heard each other because I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder...what? This was a new term for me...I had never hear of it before and had no idea what she was talking about.

After HB left and I continued to talk with my counselor she proceeded to name everything about me it was like she had been a little fly on the wall my whole life. She asked me a few questions, gave me a few scenarios and asked how I felt in those situations and I replied unknowingly giving almost every symptom of GAD. The good news is it can be treated and I don't feel like I'm "on edge" all the time...which I've pretty much felt like all my life. I can sleep at night without my mind racing about everything...I don't obsessively worry as much and I'm learning to control my breathing and thoughts. The main thing she tried to get across is that my actions/reactions to my Husband were NOT a direct reflection on him or how I felt about him...it was me being anxious and worrying and trying to keep my little world "safe." I was so relieved to know that I wasn't crazy and now that I've been on medicine I don't know how I ever lived without it. I never knew you could fall asleep without racing thoughts!?!

I'll keep you updated as I work through this process. My hope in "telling all" is that it may help someone else.

My baby boy is what got and still does get me through my days, nights, sadness, he is who made me suck it up and get through each day one day at a time. He is my "Everything Happens for a Reason." Thank God for Little Boys and I thank God everyday for blessing my life with my 3 year old son. So even through all the storm...He is and will always be "MY HAPPILY EVER AFTER."